Bruised Ego

Hmmm… thinkin’ some pretty heavy stuff right now… thinking about how about 10 days ago someone did something to me that wasn’t very nice and they don’t know me well AT ALL so they have no idea nor will they ever have any idea – how what they did completely took over an ENTIRE DAY OF MY LIFE.  Now, I’m embarrassed.  How can I let someone, who certainly doesn’t love me – doesn’t even KNOW me – ruin an ENTIRE DAY of my life? There was a flurry of phone calls, tweets, text messages…. there were tears and jeers and an incident with a chocolate bar….

all that energy…

and for what?

 Now, to be clear – I did feel threatened – what happened is that something pretty magical and amazing for me got smeared with a wee’ bit o’ shit – and that was disappointing to me.  And, like us silly gals can do I let it bubble up all sorts of insecurity and self-deprecation.  For a teeny little minute – I thought this person might be right.  What’s worse than that, I let one person, ONE PERSON THAT DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME negate a whole crap-load of positive things that are happening in my life right now – to spend an ENTIRE DAY pissing and moaning and carrying on…. sorry my dear wonderful, powerful, spectacular friends that had to walk/talk me through it.  Today you have my solemn vow that the next time I call with crisis – there will be an ACTUAL CRISIS!!

 Here is what happened, really.  For the very first time in my life I am living AUTHENTICALLY – NO SMOKE – NO MIRRORS.  Finally, what you see is what you get and what happened is that someone didn’t like what they had gotten and my poor little ego (weren’t you supposed to be death rattling in the corner) took a hit and once again, the thing about ego is that while it fools us into believing that it likes to feel good – what it really loves – what it really craves – is to feel so, so, so-so-so-so BAAAAAD.  The worser it feels (yeah, I said worser) the more likely you will wallow in the pity party – ’cause the glorious thing about pity parties is that the guest of honour gets to marinate in their own – well – pity party. 

 Ahhh, well, now I get it.  Now I see it for what it was – a silly little blow to my silly little ego and that feels good to simply see it like it is.  The wonderful thing about recognizing that – is that it doesn’t even hurt anymore.  Once again, the obvious question here is why – at times – do we so desperately trip all over ourselves to worry about whether or not someone likes us when, quite frankly, we don’t really like them? 

 Well then, onward and upward… let me get this wee bit o’ shit off my fabulous life and get on with fabulouser (yeah, I said that too)  things!

4 thoughts on “Bruised Ego

  1. What a beautiful awareness. There is a softer way to look at it though. When you are upset about something it is an opportunity to become aware of what triggered you, where it hooks to in your past, and heal it. Being authentic feels vulnerable and scary sometimes, but this person just couldn’t handle the beauty of who you really are. They simply weren’t a match. And, now you have the opportunity to focus on those who are.
    Light to your journey of authenticity. The rewards are much greater than the risks.

    • Thanks Linda…right in the moment… there was no pausing and reflecting… only reacting.. like a big baby, lol!! Thank you for the compliment – I am already enjoying the rewards everyday!

  2. Is it wrong to find some comfort in knowing I’m not the only one that worries about thoughts /opinions of people that really don’t matter? Thanks for sharing Kelly ypur struggles ambitions dreams etc. I feel as reading your posts we are kindred spirits!!! You are fabulous and never forget it….miss our visits at the gym!!!

    • No – that’s why I write what I do… to let others know that they are not the only crazy ones! More importantly, I want people to strive – as I am – to stop worrying about this stuff and just LIVE in the MOMENT and love, love, love the people that love them back! Miss you too!

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