Not too long after all this talk about anti-bullying amongst children I keep hearing stories of adult women not being kind to other adult women, the whole “she said this” and “she said that” and the whole “can you believe her??” at the end of the day just because it’s wrapped up in a fancy manicure and lulu lemon.. it’s still bullying.
I am a bully magnet… one girlfriend and I were discussing this the other day and it’s because we are “marshmallows” soft and sweet and squishy but still strong enough to bounce back…
Bullies especially love to hate us “marshmallows” because we move through the world so optimistically and authentically – gals like us scare the shit out of them - they simply can’t understand existing in a world where the glass is 1/2 full, where you know something is going to succeed because you BELIEVE that it will, where you truly like almost everyone you meet because you see everyone as a beautiful human being just doing their best in this world.
What I am about to say is huge so listen up….
I think… my mother… was right…
I think these girls are just jealous
In the past I used to do one of two things when a bully would step into my world. I would either:
- Do this weird little tap dance to make them like me and this kind of roll-over so I don’t get in their line of fire (p.s. this might seem like a good idea at the time but bullies love winning so they’ll come back for more) or;
- Let them know how badly they have hurt me and take their bull-shit very, very personally thereby fanning their flames (and they like winning so they’ll come back for more)
I did alot of research on this subject and came up with a new plan/approach for dealing with these individuals:
- Don’t take it personally, just because they can sniff out your kryptonite (ie: they somehow KNOW what will hurt you the most to attack) – it’s them – it’s not you. In fact, it is likely your enthusiasm and passion for something outside yourself that they envy and feel the need to attack. Jealousy can bring out the worst in people that’s for sure.
- Kill them with kindness…. sometimes what causes a bully to bully is that they somehow feel threatened.. .letting them know that you mean them no harm and that you are on their side is a great way to knock them the on their big-bully-asses;
- This is the toughest one… especially if you are a marshmallow like me… STAND YOUR GROUND… if it’s something you are passionate about that they are attacking defend it in a mature, committed, full of conviction way – not to win – not to change their minds – just to get your point across and then END THE LEASE ON THAT CONVERSATION WITH NO OPTION OF RENEWAL.
I just watched that “What Would You Do” show the other night and they tested to see if people would stop someone from bullying another person and it was so inspiring when they did… I mean, really, what can these individuals really do to you? They are just words, and yes, they can be hurtful but they are coming from a small mind, with an obviously tattered spirit and possible broken heart. Send them some love and light and then go focus on someone who deserves your time and energy!