Let It Go

 

I know last week I wrote about NOW and living in YOUR NOW and MY NOW and THEIR NOW…  sigh, I love it when my head and my heart are there….  I get so confused when they are not…  wish I could spend everyday just letting life happen and  I just wish I could have a clearer picture of what my future career will look like.  I think that is why I have always liked the titles – like having a title somehow defined with more clarity – as long as I was a “Mortgage Broker” I would know that my future would look, well, “Mortgage Broker-y”  – and I miss that (the clarity, not the job), I really do miss having that definition – and it conflicts with my new “hippy-zen” attitude because being wrapped up in titles is so contrary to who I want to be.

 I don’t really feel the foregoing on a daily basis – it’s when I’m feeling guilty for not contributing financially to our family or  when I’m in a crowd of new people – inevitably we talk about work and titles and distinctions – and saying I’m an “unemployed yogi in training” lacks some panache – but it doesn’t lack intrigue now does it?

I am struggling with the change of energy – with not having to go Mach II everyday of my life – with being able to just GO WITH THE FLOW…  I am so used to prioritizing my life based on putting out whatever is on fire that I don’t know how to structure just a regular day… I know, I know, hard to feel sorry for me – and please don’t.  I know myself well enough to know that even the anxiety I am creating about that is simply a diversion… 

My daughter was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis nearly 3 years ago and now it’s time to heal – now it’s time to let go of all the garbage I have been slugging around for my entire life because now I have a perspective on life that I want to maintain. 

Ugh, I know it’s sounds cliche but why don’t we all do a gut check this Monday morning and really think about how short life is:

  • It’s too short to not be doing what you love,
  • It’s too short to not be giving back,
  • It’s too short to not stop and snuggle,
  • It’s too short to slug around shit that happened to you 20 years ago,
  • or 10 years ago,
  • or 5 minutes ago.

LET IT GO!!  Let it go.

 I’ll get there. You all coming with me?

2 thoughts on “Let It Go

  1. You could get a job and contribute financially so that you could pay someone else to care for your children. Caring for them is contributing financially. It is all perspective:)

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